i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
