dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
