So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
