I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
