youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
