some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
