I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
