Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
