I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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