I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
