somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He? As in you personified your dick?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
