I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dignity is for republicans.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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