tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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