TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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