i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
