Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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