Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
