dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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