No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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