lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
