I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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