You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
