sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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