someone get that fucking seahorse.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
