well you can't waste a boner
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
