You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
