Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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