Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
