dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
