Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
