i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
