My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
