i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
What drink are we having for lunch?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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