she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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