she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
