I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
