I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
