I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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