and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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