I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
