I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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