So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
