Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
