We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
