They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the day after is always just damage control
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
