The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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