ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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