the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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