when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
