I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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